Part 1: Boring Road

You know how when you were young (read: college), you sometimes would play the "opposite day" game? Where you would pretend that everything was opposite from normal? Well, that's how I feel here sometimes - to be honest, often. I'm not sure how much of this is Patna, or Bihar, or India, or just me.

On a more serious note, before I jump into the light and gentle mockery, Patna has been a wonderful place to live so far, and despite its horrific reputation within India ("You'll get kidnapped!" "You'll get killed by angry mobs!" etc.), I've felt perfectly safe here, if a bit unsettled by the curious attention given "white girl walking around by  herself" (because when I'm with Jeff, I get 20% of the stares that I get when I'm by myself - apparently being with my "male" slides me into a tidy mental category). As I've mentioned to several folks already, most of the people I pass on the street only very rarely, if ever, see non-Indians (Patna is definitely not a tourist-draw). This means that they stare open-mouthed, or (in the case of many young men) ride their bicycles really slowly next to me. The only time it got uncomfortable was when I was mildly groped leaving a movie theater (Jeff was right in front of me and apparently oblivious to the fact that I was trying to squeeze between him and the wall to avoid the attention). It's calming down a bit now that we've been here for several weeks, especially in our "turf," around the extremely inaptly named "Boring Road," which is complete mayhem during waking hours. Most of the vendors are used to seeing me around (including on my own! Goodness gracious!).  But hey, it's good to broaden horizons a bit and I've never been the focus of malicious attention. And virtually everyone we've interacted with has been gracious, if a bit overexuberant in their welcoming-ness… (more stories to come later about that, believe me).

Ok, so, here's a quick sampler of the things that are "opposite" here (there are so many, that I've made this into a two-part blog post so that you don't get tired of reading…):

1. No matter how busy a street is, there will always be at least one guy turned away from traffic, peeing onto a wall. Because apparently men urinating in public is a-ok , but God forbid if you so much as peck your fiance on the cheek. Jeff and I have remarked on numerous occasions how this is the reverse of the US - where it would be insanely inappropriate to pee in the middle of a busy intersection, but the occasional (non-tongue, non-grope) kiss is just fine.

2. It is all the rage here for friends to walk around holding hands. Especially, but not exclusively, men (and even older men, although it seems to be especially popular for younger men). And I'm not talking open-palm, locked fingers hand-holding. I'm talking tightly squeezing, fingers-interlocked handholding. The absolute best is what we think is a regional trend - men growing out one pinky nail, painting it, and then walking around holding each others' pinkies, like they're committing to a long-term pinky swear. But of course, it is 100% inappropriate for romantic couples to hold hands in public. So I've suggested dressing up like a guy just so I can hold Jeff's hand in public, but he's not interested.

3. We are delighted to have found a supermarket (9 to 9) that sells some Western food - Pasta! Cereal! Peanut butter! Of course, the cereal comes in two flavors: corn flakes and muesli. But I managed to find muesli so thoroughly coated in chocolate that it turns my milk brown - CoCo Puffs, anyone? There are many delightful qualities of 9 to 9, but one of the less delightful aspects is the checkout process. They have a tiny little counter that you unload your basket onto, where one guy rings the items up and one guy bags them. Sounds ok, just like the US, right? However, 9 to 9 adds an additional level of complexity to the process, where after you  have bought everything, you walk around the counter to pick up your acquisitions, and a third guy takes everything out of the bags and checks them against the receipt, then puts them all back and stamps the receipt. Lord only knows who thought of this ingenious system.

4. I neglected to add this to my initial list because I've become so used to it now, but there are quite often four or five guys hanging around any desk or shop in addition to the person we have come to interact with. The purpose of these additional people is unclear, but they hover around whoever it is that we're talking to (a vendor, a gov't official, etc.) staring at us and (often) taking pictures of us on their cell phones. They may in fact be employed by the place we're at, or they may just be friends of the guys we're talking to, or even just passersby. But I've never been in a space with fewer than 5 guys hovering around me (except for one visit to a District Magistrate's office, who's so important that I think normal social practices are suspended).

5. One of my least favorite differences here: the standard is for fruit drinks to be salted. Yes, you heard me correctly. So when Jeff and I get our beloved Fresh Lime Sodas, we have to very carefully ask for them to be made "sweet." Apparently we were not sufficiently careful today, because we got a combination FLS (salty and sweet), which actually made me feel queasy. I'm such a wimp. I've been told on multiple occasions that once I transition to preferring salty fruit drinks, I'll have become Indian. Fat chance of that.

6. Jeff already wrote about this a little bit, but the behavior of some politicians here is absolutely insane. A little while ago, a protest by the Members of the Legislative Assembly (MLAs, who are like State Senators) turned violent, when MLAs began hurling slippers and potted plants at one another in the State Assembly House. Can you imagine if the CA Senators in Sacramento starting throwing sneakers and décor at one another?

More coming soon...